Saturday, February 28, 2009

It is a mystery.

Customer A: (On switchboard) "Hi, I'm looking for a mystery."

-Lima Bean

Friday, February 27, 2009

Marco!

A tiny, old Asian woman yelled "Kay!" to her friend across the store lobby about ten times in order to get her attention. But when Kay finally heard her -- Kay is also old and must be hard of hearing -- she couldn't exactly see her. The woman is too short to be seen over the bargain bookshelves. She had wave her arms and yell "Kay" a few more times to catch Kay's eye.

It was a sweet reunion; as sweet as the sight of two old ladies shopping together.

-Lima Bean

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Snippet.

"Washroom please," she said with a giggle, a hand cupped around her mouth, as if it was an embarrassing secret.

-Lima Bean

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Can I Get a Witness?

Today I had two people come up and ask if I would be a witness while they signed some legal papers having to do with a real estate deal. The guy seemed a bit out of breath, like they had been running around trying to find someone to sign off as a witness and didn't have much time. He was a white guy, youngish with brown hair tucked under a cap and ponytail in the back, and a short beard. The woman was a slightly older tired-looking Korean lady. I was a bit unsure that I could legally be a witness, not knowing either of them, but they both thought it was fine. So I verified at their IDs and watched them sign, then signed my name next to the line that said "witness". I had to do it four times, twice on each page. The guy told me that if you really like paperwork, then you should go into real estate. I told him I thought I'd pass.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I'm used to redundant.

More interesting comments:

Customer A: "Thank you, and a Happy Obama Day to you."

B: (On switchboard) "Are you open today? Do you like how I asked you a question that was redundant, since you did answer the phone?"

C: "I didn't get any messages yet?"

-Lima Bean

Boomerang.

Sir, I cannot understand you. I can't. I just can't.

I'm coining a concierge term for us -- boomerang.

boomerang
-noun

1. When used between concierge co-workers, refers to the creepers (creepy customers) who continually return to the concierge desk to try to catch your eye, flirt, chat, ask you out and get you to divulge personal information.

Mr. I-Can't-Understand-A-Word-He's-Saying is a boomerang. I described him the day of our staff meeting. He's an older man. Black, graying. Likes to wear a brimmed hat. He circled the desk three times; like a vulture, waiting to prey. I avoided eye-contact as best I could, but I accidentally looked at him on the third circling. He smiled, and approached.

He likes to ask me what I'm majoring in, tell me I've got a nice smile, talk about Obama and other politics, and tell me how smart his granddaughters are. At least, that's what I think he's saying. He's one of those quick-talking mumblers -- like a cross between an auctioneer and a old Southern character you'd read about in a Mark Twain novel -- who'll say something really fast, that was surely a run-on sentence, and then end it with an audible 'Ya'll come on back now, ya hear?' Think Boomhauer from King of the Hill.

Today he asked me where I went to high school, how fast I can type, and when I get off of work. At least, that's what I think he asked me. I hear bits and pieces. "We should meet for some tea and talk about the recession," he said. I avoided answering his questions, then politely declined the invitation to tea.

Just smile and nod. Smile and nod.

-Lima Bean

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Rats.

A woman who works across the street from us asked if there was a payphone in the store she could use. I said that there wasn't, but that she could use our phone for a courtesy call. She thanked me several times, saying she didn't want to use the payphone across the street because she doesn't trust the Ave rats that hang around over there. She was so thankful, she gave me her 50 cents she had planned to use for her phone call as a tip.

I don't really know what to do with the money. We're not allowed to take tips, are we? I might just put it in the tip jar in the cafe.

Interesting comments:

Customer A: "I'd like a hotel room and a limousine for the weekend. Do you get a lot of that?"

B: "Do you know where your latrine is?"

C: (Accompanied with the expected theatrics) "Oh, blessed yet cursed are the freedoms and restraints of democracy! If it weren't for the freedoms and restraints of democracy of this fine country, when I saw a beautiful woman, I would clasp her to my breast and say, 'Will you be mine?' ... I'm not crazy, I'm just glad to be done with my chores for the day. I'm going to go home and do a bit of reading."

D: "Have you seen our wives around? Short? No?"

-Lima Bean

Friday, February 13, 2009

Customers can be...

I had one customer today who kept asking me if we had Monet Calendars. I told her I wasn’t sure but that all of our calendars where on the table she was looking at and that they where in no particular order. Apparently she didn’t get what I had said because she asked again, “but do you have Monet?” I told her book information would most likely be able to look that up. So she asks again, “Do you have a Monet Calendar?” I repeated my first response and she stopped asking questions so maybe she finally got it. She now, after asking me if there was phone she could borrow, is using the convenience phone to have a full blown conversation. I really hate when customers carry on a conversation that you would have on your own cell phone. It just seems rude when they use the phone here for a personal call. Seriously, this has been like a 10 minute phone call, really lady?

~Montana

Ah, kids.

A boy and a girl -- possibly twin siblings -- are flipping through the pages of a bargain science book and commenting on each photo of Earth from space with either an "Ooooh!" or a "Nah." It reminds me of when my sister and I were little and we'd scan through the pages of a magazine and ask each other, "What is your favorite thing on this page?"

-Lima Bean

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I day dream.

An old man stopped at the desk, leaned in and asked me in a hushed voice, "What do you do for boredom?" I laughed, and told him I day dream.

Update: The old man returned the very next day and asked, "Still day dreaming?" He commented on how beautiful it is that your mind can wander. "You can go anywhere you want in your mind," he said. "When I was in fourth grade, my mind would go to Mount Si."

-Lima Bean

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Guns 'N Roses lives!

I saw a total Slash look-a-like today: Long black hair, tall black top-hat, black skinny jeans with a heavy studded belt, leather jacket with chains. I didn't get a look at his face, but who knows, it could have been him! (Or someone from a really dedicated tribute band.)

Monday, February 2, 2009

Could you say that again?

Recently I had a funny incident where a couple of guys stopped by the desk and asked me where they could buy a bong. So I started telling them where a few smoke shops were located (because hey, this is an information desk, and I'm here to give people information, am I not?). They looked a bit confused, and then one of them asked, "They have gongs at the smoke shop?"
Ohhhhhh, *gongs*. Yeah. And of course I couldn't tell them where to find a cheap gong, since they had already checked at the Japanese import store next door. They would have had much better luck if they really had been looking for a bong.

Another time a lady came in asking if we had mops. I didn't think we did--I'd never seen them in the supplies section, and it was a bit odd she asked considering that she seemed intelligent, and not the sort of person who would expect to find mops in a bookstore. I tried clarifying by asking her if she meant the kind of mop that you use to clean a floor (though there isn't really any other type of mop that I know of). "Oh no, I'm looking for maps (still sounded like mops), like of the city," she replied. At which point I realized that she was speaking with an odd sort of British accent and directed her to the book information counter. Sometimes people must think I'm kind of stupid. I wonder if the write about it in their blogs!

--Monalisa