Tuesday

This is officially the strangest customer I have had in the year I have worked at the bookstore.

What started out as your run-of-the-mill crazy just kept going. The crazy known as “free steak guy” To paint the picture; the man is slightly overweight, around 50 years old and walked with a cane. He had the beginnings of a beard and a total creeper stare.

He walked up to the desk and wanted to know where he can get his free steak. He said it jokingly, like some people do when they walk past thinking they are saying something really witty, when it totally isn’t. I explained to him that we were a bookstore and therefore didn’t have free steak, in the same witty tone. Then he took the entire stack (50+) of bookmarks off the desk and put it in his bag, since he didn’t get a free steak dinner. I was like…ok a little presumptuous but whatever, I’m not super attached to the bookmarks or anything. Then he was like, “do you guys sell bookcovers?” I responded with the answer and was like sweet…he might not be a crazy and even if he is whatever he is off in search of a product in another department. However my happiness was short-lived because he followed up with the question:

“Where are all the good-looking women who crave my body?”

I was like…really?
I thought that was the end then…

He came back looking for the steak dinner again. Based on the “crave my body” comment I was like…hmm might be a crazy after all, so I stopped the jovial witty tone and told him seriously that we don’t have steak at the bookstore. He responded with yelling “well then you’re fired!”. I just looked at him when he informed me that I should be ashamed because now I can’t spend the weekend with him at his mother in law’s house. Bummer.

As he gets ready to walk away he whispers “if you hear a thump that’s me falling downstairs”

I’m like ugh please leave. He goes downstairs for like half an hour. When he comes back upstairs (of course he would come back upstairs. OF COURSE), he stops by my desk (of course) and asks for steak again. When I said that we do not have steak he responded with:

“I will go home and cry. I will take my dog in the closet and we will drink and cry together”

Awesome. He makes sure to mention that this is my fault. While smiling, which is kinda creepy. Anyway he finally left (for now I guess, we still have an hour an a half till closing) and as I looked outside to make sure he had left, some guy stood in the foyer rubbing his ass. Vigorously. Also there was some rubbing of ass against garbage can.

Also, I really hate the bird noises book. People keep hitting the buttons and I now know all the noises that birds could make and none of them are pretty. They might be pretty in a forest, coming from a bird or something. But it is most def. not pretty coming out of a book.